Why does your child's behavior change between home and school?

A child's behavior is influenced by their surrounding environment. They may remain calm at home, then become hyperactive at school or during group activities. The opposite can also occur, as some children suppress their emotions throughout the school day, only to release their accumulated tension as soon as they return home, where they feel more comfortable and secure.

The "Child Mind" website explains that some children who suffer from attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), learning disabilities, or autism put in a great deal of effort to follow rules and adapt to their peers. They may try to limit their movement or impulsivity so as not to draw attention, but this constant effort can drain their energy and make them more prone to emotional outbursts in an environment where they feel safe.

The nature of the place also affects behavior; school relies on routine, instructions, adherence to schedules, and waiting one's turn, while home often provides more space for flexibility, negotiation, and consideration of the child's individual needs.

What does the misbehavior hide?

When a teacher complains about a child being distracted, disturbing their classmates, or interrupting the lesson, it is important not to rush to label them as naughty or stubborn. The behavior may be a reflection of feelings or needs that the child cannot express in words.

The child may feel anxious about failure, find it difficult to complete a school task, or try to avoid reading in front of their classmates. Interrupting may be a way to attract attention or express fatigue and frustration.

Furthermore, these actions can be linked to bullying, conflicts with peers, or difficulty coping with changes. A hyperactive child may need breaks and physical activity, while another child may need to know the details of their day in advance to feel stable.

When these needs are not met at school, difficulties may manifest as disruptive behaviors or rule-breaking.

Look for the cause before punishing

Monitoring the circumstances that precede and follow the behavior helps in understanding its motives. Does the misbehavior increase when the child is assigned a difficult task? Does the interruption occur when they feel bored? And do they calm down when they receive the teacher's attention or a short break?

It is also necessary to pay attention to factors that may affect the child's concentration and ability to control their emotions, such as lack of sleep, inadequate nutrition, excessive screen time, and hearing or vision problems.

Family circumstances should not be overlooked, such as the separation of parents, the loss of a family member, or life changes like moving to a new home or facing financial pressures, as these conditions may reflect on the child's psychological state and behavior in the classroom.

If the behavior persists and affects the child's learning or relationships, it is best to consult a specialist to assess the situation and determine the potential causes and appropriate ways to deal with it.

Steps to help your child adapt

Parents and teachers can help the child regulate their behavior through practical steps, most notably:

Listen to them without blame: Instead of asking "Why are you behaving badly?", ask them about how they felt during the day, and whether anything bothered them or made them feel anxious.

Avoid labeling them as naughty: Help them understand that behavior is changeable and that they can learn better ways to express their feelings and needs.

Set a clear routine: Use a visual schedule for daily activities to help them know what to expect and prepare for transitioning from one activity to another.

Provide calming tools: Designate a quiet corner at home, with appropriate sensory tools, such as stress balls and fidget toys, to help them relieve tension.

Collaborate with the school: Agree with teachers on appropriate strategies, such as allowing short breaks or using tools that help the child focus and regulate their emotions.

Encourage them to ask for help: Teach them to express their needs, such as asking for clarification of instructions or a break when they feel overwhelmed.

Use stories and role-playing: Help them practice dealing with situations that might cause them anxiety, such as waiting their turn or participating in front of their classmates.

In the end, the solution does not lie in punishing the child simply because their behavior differs between home and school, but in understanding what they are facing and helping them cope with it. Continuous communication between the family and the school, while involving the child in finding the solution and focusing on their strengths, remains a fundamental step toward more balanced behavior and a greater sense of security and self-confidence.